Is your dating site inbox looking a little lonely? Are you winking, poking, and Dougie-ing to no avail? You may need to read the Top 10 Reasons I Will Not Return Your Message on Match.com.
After a glance at your Username…
1. Letsmakeout28, hereforbeer, futuredr, talldrkhandsome.
Translation: player, partier, poser, pretty boy.
… I go straight to the Pictures (admit it: you do too)…
2. Your shots were all taken in one evening, in a bathroom, or with your pet.
You don’t go anywhere or have friends, do you.
3. I can’t actually see your face/body clearly.
I’ve never been a fan of mystery meat.
4. You have no pictures up.
“Hi! I’m lazy and enjoy wasting your time!” … then I actually read your Profile.
5. Your intro starts with “I’m not sure why I signed up for this...”
Uh, let me know when you figure it out?
6. “I like to travel and have fun.”
You and every other person on the planet.*
7. You mention you’re tired of the Bar Scene.
Thanks for letting me know you’ve repeatedly gone creeping for dates, AND been unsuccessful.
I get the Message.
8. “Hey sexy/gorgeous/hot stuff/sweetcheeks…”
I’ve spent hours crafting a profile reflecting my inner snowflake, and you want to focus on my appearance?
9. “you’re pics are really cute, LOL. im hopping to get to know u better.”
Perhaps you are a third-grade dropout. Or the Easter Bunny.
10. “I just got out of an 8-year relationship/haven’t dated in a while/live at home…”
Translation: “Hope you enjoy baggage/awkward advances/sneaking around!”
Did you sail through the list scot-free? Tune in for Top 10 Reasons We Will Not Be Going on a Second Date.
*Hermits and agoraphobics excluded.
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